Not writing scares me.
I don’t know why but it just does…
It scares the hell out of me and I don’t know if my reasons are even valid.
It’s just that…, when I’m not writing, it means I’m busy. And when I’m busy it means that I’m not thinking of you anymore.
It scares me because it feels like I’m in content with who I am now, without you in it.
It scares me because it would mean that I have moved on from you… [Based on experience. Yes. Blogging = Moving ON, Not Blogging = Moved on]
But I do still think of you. A lot of times really. It’s just that every single time I do, I don’t have a laptop or a piece of paper and a pen to document my thoughts.
All in all, I think this feeling’s crazy. And how I wish that my mind had a USB reader or something where I could just put a memory card in it and it would gather all my thoughts when I need it to be recorded in words right away.
But that would be an illusion, simply an absurd idea from a psycho like me. But if that would be possible in the future, hell yeah I’d go for it. . . . What the heck, I might even be the one who will invent it… Who knows… A psycho can be a scientist most of her/his life. WE LOVE TO EXPERIMENT. If you know what I mean…
Anyways, I’m back to writing again. Because I miss it and because I don’t want to be scared anymore. Being flexible to loneliness…oh wait a minute.. I would rather like it to be called “being alone” has been a big leap for me. And right now, I just don’t know what to right…. hmm…….. damn, Now I’m mispelling words. That’s supposed to be “write”…
OH yeah!!! I’ve been meaning to tell you a very important event in my life. Well “event” seems to be an exaggeration but. WTH, I’m so happy right now! :)))))
Just got a call earlier this morning for an interview. My “confidence” and shameful act paid off. That application I sent online? YES THAT ONE! I GOT A CALL BACK 🙂 …
SO…. This is how it feels like eh? WEEEEEH!!!
I really don’t care if I do or don’t get the job. [This is not a psycho defense mech thing] Believe me. It’s just that, if I do get the job, things would be suppppppperrrrrr duppper confusing. And if I don’t, I would most likely go for volunteerism for the love of nursing!
I guess the main reason why I am still unemployed at the moment is that …….. I’m still lost and torn between two professions that’d probably give me higher chancessss of being employed to [which we all know which of the two weighs heavier in my heart]. To add up to this confusionism [sounds like Confucianism,… IKR? there’s no word such as confusionism, i just like the sound of it]… in the next few months, it’d be three professions. So, wish me a “BREAK A LEG” ’cause this act is gonna be a wild ride my friends.
“One step at a time”, says Jordin Sparks. NOW I’M OUT~