I’m writing to you because I can’t get over the movie “Perks of Being a Wallflower” and how I wish I had Charlie’s friends, Sam and Patrick, right now. I know it sounds really far fetch but I don’t really care. I need friends. Friends who don’t ask shit about my career. Friends who’ll just be there. I want Charlie to be there. I need a wallflower.
My pig days are over, if you ask me. I have finally reached a point of UN-Laziness and have passed several application letters to suitable hospitals and some companies here in Cebu.
I really don’t know what to expect from ’em. I’m just helluva crazy right now thinking about whatever it is I may be doing in the future. When I think of being a nurse, my stomach just growls intently, like I was feeding butterflies inside me. I’m scared dear friend. It freaks me out. Just the thought of working in the hospital and dealing with people’s’ lives. . . I don’ t want to be a part of their lives. Anything could happen in an 8-hour shift, you know? && Yes, I’m being a pessimist.
I’m getting crazier each day dear friend. The other day I thought of going to college again. I was like a highschool senior searching for a suitable school online…, but then again, I wasn’t like that back in highschool. All I had to do then was listen to my friends’ opinions on what university they think is the best and what courses they’ll be taking up. The decision-making part was so easy for me. I went to the college where a number of my barkadas went and took the course they took. Anyways, I haven’t told you yet why I was getting crazier. Well, the other day I thought of taking up BS Tourism for next sem. And just earlier today, right after eating breakfast and brushing my teeth, I sort of wanted to take up Dentistry. These are just few of my freak shows and you need not be worried, FYI. I freak out from time to time yah know… It was a stupid idea anyways. I counted my dad’s age and it was like, OOPS!, nearing retiring age. Having me in college twice would just make his hair go bald, if not thinner. . .
I have another problem too. Well it’s sort of problem. At times, I feel like I’m in a state of avolition not even God could intervene. I mean, I love God and all, but… I just couldn’t think of Him now. And it’s like so hard to pray nowadays. I hate myself for being such an ass. I don’t know why I’m such a user. I am ashamed of myself, really. I just couldn’t stop asking Him “Why?”, “Where’s the niche bro?”, “Where’s the effin turning point?” I know it sounds rebellious than religious. But what could I do? Has Satan taken over me or something? I just seem to lose it right now. I’m sorry.
Another thing, I hate mornings. I hate it because my older sister is so lazy that I have to make breakfast for the two of us. It doesn’t feel right you know. Older people should be the one preparing food early in the morning and all I have to do is wake up and get my ass to the dining room. I miss mom. My mom is not a lazy woman. She’s addicted to the internet,yeah, but she’s not lazy. When she was here last January she used food to wake me up. She’d get up early in the morning, cook food while I’m still drooling in my sleep, and then she’d wake me up, telling me that if I don’t eat the food, it would turn cold, and that wouldn’t be nice to eat. And I’m just like a zombie awaken 6 feet under, getting my ass where the food is [not literally].Food always gets me. I get bothered by people shouting at me just to get me up. But food? I don’t get bothered by it waking me up. My mom’s really intelligent you know. And that’s just one of the things I miss about her. And that is why I want to fast forward to December.
I know that you’ve noticed how bad the flow of my blog is right now, but I really hope you get me. I’m tired of linking my thoughts. It’s just so random at times and it gets way ahead if I don’t type ’em in immediately. So I guess this is it. It’s not the end of my thoughts but it’s worth the blog, ain’t it? My day’s so boring by the way. It’s so unproductive, if you know what I mean. Let’s just hope tomorrow will be better.
I have a question for you.
“HOW DO YOU KNOW?”