I’m sorry if I haven’t been updating you lately. I have been so busy these past few weeks and I thought life was starting to be great… But just now, I realized otherwise.
I just had to write to you for I can’t contain how drained and pressured I am right now. It’s like 6th grade all over again when I was suddenly transferred to the 1st section where I have no friends at all and I sucked at almost every subject. I belonged to the lower 50% of our homeroom and the feeling is just inexplicably dreadful. And just like today, when I got assigned to the known “best” team in our company, I felt like I am that 6th grader again. Lost and pressured.
Yeah yeah… I know I shouldn’t pressure myself this hard or something but I just can’t help it. One team member can pull down the performance of the team, in such case, last night or earlier this morning, I was that team member. It was miraculous though because the team leader, who I thought was soooo strict [as I’ve heard from rumors] was not [yet] being hard on me. I thought she would be yelling out my name the whole shift because of my low points. But she didn’t. And she didn’t even bother to ask or go near me and pass me that paper where people with failed calls or had minor mistakes would write what went right and what went wrong [it’s like an incident report]. Or maybe she just changed her style in leading the team because as I’ve heard [from rumors again] that last week, 2 new members quit after a day’s experience of being under her. I’m just blessed.
Alright! Enough of the yakking. I might as well sleep this through. Well, one last thing though, I have to tell you this, THIS JOB IS MAKING ME UNTALKATIVE. If there’s such a word. Because, typically I AM a talker but I think this time I’d settle for just being a listener or a texter or a writer. I’m just freaking tired of talking already. [Do not believe unless proven right]
And you know the worst thing about my last duty? I forgot to bring a bottle of water. I was blabbing there straight for 3-4 hrs without water and my throat bloody hurts. It was a throat assault, a harassment, my respondents would tell me whenever they receive frequent phone calls.
And just like that I rode a jeepney ride on my way home, feeling exactly the same as that jeepney — EMPTY. And a frequent question that ran through my mind was that “What the heck am I doing with my life?” But I guess THIS IS just part of life.And maybe this is how it’s supposed to be lived by me. Maybe everyone gets a chance to experience such mischief or bad luck or pressures. It’s inevitable. And so is living life. We have to live life to know its essence and to know if this is the life that’s worth living. I’m just beating around the bush here, and it’s starting to make no sense. I’m tired and I’m sleepy. And not to mention I’m hungry.
So I guess I’ll just say “Good night Dear Diary. I missed you. And I know you missed me too. Send all my love to heaven. And wish me luck for later’s shift.”